(15, TX, USA) Anonymous - My Story

I tried to kill myself. I'd spent many years wanting to. I'd come close a couple of times, and I hadn't because of fear, shame, guilt, cowardice, or whatever you want to call it. I was so utterly convinced of my own lack of worth that redemption seemed impossible. I believed I was a negative influence on the world, a bad person. I remember being so convinced of this that it was really frustrating when my friends and family still seemed to care about me. I remember thinking, if I just had a switch on the side of my head, or some button I could press, or some kind of ET finger touch, I could show them exactly what it was like to be in my mind; they'd understand. They'd understand how awful both I and my existence in this world were. And not just understand—they would probably agree. They would say, 'Actually, yeah, that sounds like the best thing for you.' I share my story not to motivate others and say 'It will be okay.' I know that is the last thing you want to hear, but I promise you have the strength to continue. I do not want to force any kind of religion on anyone, but as a Christian, I am telling you God is not putting these evil thoughts in your head because you are not worthy. You are worthy of every ounce of joy and happiness in this world. I cannot tell you why the devil is so evil as to attack us with thoughts like this. God does not want the world this way, and the only way out is to find Him. I have always been Christian, but going through depression at a younger age taught me so much. I am telling you this not to force you into my religion but to say that Jesus Christ loves you more than your brain could even imagine. Take a breath.