(15, NJ, USA) Sasha - All This Practice for What?

Growing up with the phrase, “It’s never too late to try something new,” echoing in my mind, instilled in me a sense of curiosity and motivated me to seek out unusual experiences and go on adventures that stretched the boundaries of my comfort zone. At a very young age, I was always interested in doing something new. I thought I did everything there was to do: I joined a soccer and swimming team, learned how to play tennis and lacrosse, did ballet and jazz dance, and took acting classes. Soon after, my mom casually threw out a question asking if I wanted to learn how to play an instrument, and we realized that none of those activities had been sticking with me. It didn't take me long to say I wanted to learn how to play the piano. My 4-year-old self wasn't ready for what I got myself into. Once I started being persistent with my piano lessons, I didn't realize how much of a commitment playing piano was. I began to practice every day for a certain amount of time. By the age of 7, I was excelling in my piano skills, but at this time, it started to feel more like a chore than something I enjoyed. Despite that, I never stopped practicing piano since he changed me and who I am. I vividly remember the day that my teacher offered me to play in Carnegie Hall. I was both really happy and very nervous. I wasn't sure where the piano would take me, but I didn't think I would be performing in Carnegie Hall. After he asked me if I wanted to play in Carnegie Hall, it gave me a boost of confidence, and I started playing every day, each song over and over until perfection. As my performance day started getting closer and closer, I started getting a sense of fear. This was very unusual for me since this was going to be my first-ever piano performance, especially in front of thousands of people. The day before the big day, I practiced every song five times, until perfection. On the day of my performance day, I started getting so nervous and jittery inside for no reason because I had no expectations. This was a big day for me. All those years of practice and commitment to playing the piano led up to this day. All of my family came to watch me and give me support. Right before I was about to go on stage, I was in the practice room practicing all my songs until I felt ready. Soon after, I heard my name being called to walk onto that stage, and as I started walking to bow to the audience before starting to play the piano, I was stunned to see how many people I was about to perform for. I was still going into it with an open mind, but I still had a sense of fear in the back of my head. As I sit on the piano stool and readjust my chair so I'm a good distance away from the piano, I start realizing that my hands start to get clammy, and I can start hearing my heart beating louder than ever. I disregarded that, and I started playing the piece I've been working on for the past few months. As I am playing, everything seems normal and natural because my finger memory has already been engraved in my mind. As I reached the end, I felt a sense of relief. As I was coming across the last few measures of my music, I thought I played it spotless until I played the last note of my piece. I played the last note of my piece wrong in front of thousands of people, and since this was my first time performing, I wasn't sure what to do, so I kept trying to find the right note to finish my piece, but I was so distraught that I just got up and walked out. At that moment, I felt like a failure. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, and since my piano teacher was one of the best in the nation, he was disappointed in me because I was representing him. I still remember the face he gave me after I messed up on that stage. I felt like I did something wrong and that I didn't reach the expectations people had of me. I felt very disappointed in myself because I thought all my time and commitment would resonate with my performance, but it didn't. One little mess-up from your past doesn't define who you are; anything makes you stronger. Having a sense of fear and taking risks is a way to grow. People are scared of the unknown, and not trying holds you back from living your best life.