(18, MD, USA) Anonymous - Bad Communication
Losing friends is hard. Sometimes, to avoid losing them, I would play along with what they were doing or try to act like it didn’t bother me when they purposely left me out. I spent so much time just trying to do what I thought was right to stay friends with them. Now I realize we were never truly friends. When I finally moved away, I no longer had to try and maintain those friendships, as I would be at a completely new school.
During my second year at the new school, I became friends with someone. We weren’t too close, but they were nice to hang out with. It wasn’t until high school that we became very close friends. I began considering them my best friend, as we spent so much time together, both in and out of school. We shared a larger friend group as well, and I made a point to include them in everything I did.
Unfortunately, this was short-lived. As the end of junior year approached, I began feeling uncomfortable around one of the people in our friend group, whom I had previously thought to be a great friend. I decided to distance myself from this person. Knowing that we shared multiple friends was fine with me, as long as I could keep my distance. All I asked was not to be around them. I could never ask my friends to choose between us, which is why I didn’t. But, as it turns out, I didn’t have to. My best friend began leaving me out in favor of the other person.
At first, I tried not to be bothered by it, but the final straw came when they brought this person around me and the others, knowing I wouldn’t like it. Even then, I tried not to be bothered, but my best friend began ignoring me in the other person's presence. I didn’t know if this was done purposefully or not, which almost made it worse. I was so upset that I told one of my other friends about it, letting out all my frustrations. He suggested I ghost her, which I did consider, as it seemed easier than dealing with this and potentially starting an unnecessary conflict. However, in the end, I decided against it.
This person was so close to me that I wanted to ask her why she was doing this rather than cut her off without understanding her reasoning. I still hoped it might have all been a misunderstanding. I took the initiative to message her about it, but when she responded hours later about a different topic, completely disregarding my message, I realized it might be time to end our friendship. I honestly didn’t know what to say or how to do it. While I was trying to think of a way to communicate this to her, we didn’t speak for a week.
It wasn’t until she returned something of mine that I had the chance to talk to her. She said she thought I was mad at her, which I denied (as I didn’t see any point in being mad; I was just greatly upset). We then didn’t speak again for a while, and I realized at this point that we might never speak again. This was confirmed when I received a message from her, revealing that she had chosen to stop being my friend long before I had made up my mind. I was hurt because she was one of my closest friends, and I was upset that she had chosen someone she hadn’t known as long as she had known me. I never, and would never, have asked her to choose between us, but it turns out I didn’t have to.
Weeks later, I found out she had seen the messages from the day I told my friend about what happened. Her feelings were probably hurt when I didn’t outright deny the idea of ghosting her. Though I never did ghost her, we both decided to end our friendship. It was an easy choice for me, and I felt relieved when it was over. While we were very close, I had promised myself years ago never to let anyone treat me the way people used to before I moved away. This is probably why I was so quick to decide our friendship was over after she brought the person I had distanced myself from around me and ignored me in their presence.
The only thing I wish we had was more communication. I did try, but maybe I should have tried harder. Today, it's been over a year, and it no longer bothers me. I have no ill feelings toward her, and I can look back on our friendship fondly. Though it ended, maybe it was for the best, and I can cherish the good moments we shared.
