(16, NJ, USA) Jenny - Dieting
"Comparison is the thief of happiness" is a saying that I would always be reminded about throughout my life. Whether that be comparing my toys to others kids toys in kindergarten, my sandwich compared to my friends lunchables in 5th grade, my grades compared to my brothers, the list goes on and on. However that saying had a completely different meaning once I entered middle school. Just like every middle school girl I was completely boy crazy. The drama, the chase, the butterflies I would get, I loved it all. What I didn't love was the standard that I was being held to. The boys I liked never liked me back but instead would like my friends. When I asked my friends why these boys didnt like me I would get the response "it has nothing to do with your personality you just dont really have a butt or anything". That response would change the way I think of myself for years. Comments similar to that would follow me throughout middle school which drove me to develop an eating disorder. I was twelve years old trying to eat as little as possible. On March 13 2020 my school as long as many others across the country shut down due to covid. All that free time only made my situation worse. Just like every other teenager at the time I would stay up all night and sleep all day. I spent hours and hours at night doing these ab workouts on youtube without eating and sleeping during the day. By the end of the summer I had lost my period, have panic attacks thinking about food and starved myself down to 75lbs. I was so disgusted with myself I would cover my mirrors with blankets. I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I needed to change my ways. All of my 8th grade year I spent trying to get over my eating disorder. Slowly adding more food into my diet and trying to eat one of my fear foods once a week. By the start of my freshman year I was eating a significantly higher amount of food, lifting weights opposed to ab workouts and met an amazing group of kids my age online. These kids would change my life forever with a group chat. They introduced me to bodybuilding and I fell in love with the sport. All of freshman year I focused on bodybuilding and it helped me get over my fear of food so much. I was eating so much food and was stronger than I could imagine I would ever be. I owe everything to these kids and I will talk about them and their influence in my life any chance that I get. Sophomore year I decided I would begin a prep for a bodybuilding show that summer. The months I spent dieting I would often find myself comparing myself to where others were at. But then I would see pictures of myself from 2 years ago around the time and remembered the only person I need to be comparing myself to was myself. The months of hard work was so worth it when I stepped on that stage. I had never felt so much support and was so grateful to be where I worked to be. My mom had seen me through all the phases of my relationship with food. She gave me a hug when I got off stage crying and said "I am so proud of you Jenny". That was when I realized that I was bigger than my eating disorder and comparing myself to others was not fair to myself at all. At the end of the day you can only look at where YOU are now compared to where YOU were at back then. Not where other people are or what other people have.
