(16, CA, USA) Anonymous - Respect

My upbringing, rooted in traditional values and strict familial hierarchies, often stands in stark contrast to the more liberal, egalitarian ideals of broader American society. This duality has shaped not only my personal experiences but also my understanding of historical and social dynamics. Growing up in California within an Asian-American family, I’ve experienced a strong emphasis on respecting elders and adhering to patriarchal norms, which often conflict with my personal beliefs.

In my family, respecting one’s elders is non-negotiable—even when those elders are plainly rude. This expectation is especially strict when the person is male, as men are viewed as the natural leaders of the family. My relatives expect obedience, regardless of whether respect has been earned. They also expect young women in the family to handle tasks they’re fully capable of doing themselves, reinforcing a sense of hierarchy that places us in subservient roles. I find it challenging to accept this, as it often feels unfair, especially given how we’re taught to be kind and accommodating to everyone.

These dynamics have sparked arguments between my parents and me, particularly on issues of family and gender roles. The generational gap only adds to our differences, given that I was a late-born child, which further widens our perspectives.

With all due respect to my family, I believe that respect should be earned.