(13, IA, USA) Anonymous - The Butterfly Effect

Leaving something familiar, even when it causes unhappiness, can be difficult. Last week, I decided to quit my sport team and join a different one. The previous season had been incredibly stressful and unenjoyable for me, and the coaches’ favoritism in team selections was the final straw. I had been trying to muster the courage to leave the team for almost a year, which seems strange since I had only joined the team the previous year. When I finally left, I expected to feel relief, but instead, I felt regret. The new team I joined is great, but it doesn't feel right. I wonder if it's because I now associate my sport with being stressed and exhausted instead of having fun.

There's something about my old team that keeps drawing me back, but I'm not sure what it is. I never talked to many people on the team, and the coaches barely noticed me. I miss the coaches, even though I feel I should be upset with them for placing me on a team without considering my skills.

Before this experience, I never understood why people stayed in sports their whole lives, even when they constantly talked about wanting to quit. I realized that it's easier to endure the stress and pain of a sport than to live with the regret of quitting. In your mind, you'll think you've disappointed others and yourself.

At the moment, I am in that state of regret. I feel out of place. If I go back to my old team, it won't be the same. I'll be upset about the favoritism, and I know people will talk about me. If I stay with the new team, it might be fun, but I'll always think about my old team. Quitting the sport altogether seems like the easiest option, but it would fill me with the most regret.

I've never been a good decision-maker. I procrastinate on decisions for as long as possible and then make impulsive choices. It's a terrible method for making decisions, but I'm always thinking about the Butterfly Effect. If you're not familiar, the Butterfly Effect suggests that small decisions can change your entire life. Usually, you don't realize the impact of these decisions until after they happen. In my case, this feels like a big decision, at least to me right now. I know that the Butterfly Effect will come into play. What I choose could affect which college I get into, whether I get injured, or even my future career. That's why I'm filled with so many "what ifs" that won't leave my head.

I'm constantly searching for answers that will only become clear once I've stopped searching for them.